my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
