I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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