somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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