...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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