It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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