I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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