Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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