Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
