Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
