somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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