Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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