if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
50% drunk capacity currently
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
