Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
