the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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