But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
