So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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