On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
