I want to make a zoo with you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
