its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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