I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
