as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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