...so i touched it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
