just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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