No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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