please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
