New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
