Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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