I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
