Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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