dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
