doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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