I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
