I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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