This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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