So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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