You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
