nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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