Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
