PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
