"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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