hell yes lets make some ravioli
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
