# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
