so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
