At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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