Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
