you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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