it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just googled if crying burns calories
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
