Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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