that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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