I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
