Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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