in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
