4 words: hood of his car
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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