i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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