we have officially lost it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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