it wasn't lemon gatorade
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
