What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
