I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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