I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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