what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need water and some morals
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
