the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
