I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
