Don't you send me to vm
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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