You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my liver is dry heaving
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize