My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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