Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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