just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
